It seems that TLC has lost it’s wow factor ever since Jon Gosselin’s manic breakdown directly correlated with his wife’s affinity for being the biggest emasculating douche on the planet. Or maybe it has less to do with Jon and Kate and more to do with most of the families in each show containing at least one sex offender. I don’t really know. But with shows that depict ex-Amish taking out their dentures for entertainment, it’s clear that TLC needs to take a more unique/naked approach to their programing. That’s why I decided to pitch a new show, in hopes that some producer who reads shittily edited blogs in their leisure will shoot me an email about a new, refreshing, reality show.
What do you guys think of these ideas?…
My Strange Addiction to Polygamous Giants Without Limbs Dating Naked Little People on a Remote Island House-hunt for Beachfront Property (hosted by Jonathan and Drew Scott): A horny giant with zero limbs dates a little person who isn’t wearing clothes, on a remote island, where they choose between 3 beachfront properties in which they will reside until they have a nasty tabloid break up. Hosts Jonathan and Drew are charming and wise, winning over mothers everywhere in America.
Return to Naked Gypsy Dance Studio hosted by ex-Amish people, Rebecca and Abe: A group of loud gypsies dance, naked, in a studio they have been to before. Rebecca, the ex-Amish, provides commentary (sans her dentures) whilst Abe wears a fun hat.
Cupcake Little People Wars featuring Matt and Amy Roloff (the newly divorced couple from Little People Big World): Basically, after a tumultuous divorce, Matt and Amy Roloff throw food at each other. Will a pound of buttercream to the dome drive Matt to drink himself into a second DUI?
Toddlers and Tony (featuring Honey Boo and a 600 Pound Man): A girl with the mind of a toddler (Honey Boo Boo) befriends a 600 Pound Man named Tony, despite society’s disapproving view of adult men hanging out with toddlers. What the toddler doesn’t know is that “Tony” is really Mama June in disguise. LOL?!
Fake Tori (featuring Tori Spelling as her real self): Tori Spelling attends therapy sessions with her pig husband in an unscripted series, in which she is THE WORST 100% of the time.
What Not To Do: A self-righteous couple gives birth to 19 kids, maybe more. One kid is an incestuous sex offender. What now?
Alaskan Women Looking for Coupons: A group of penny-pinching Alaskans clip coupons to the point that one might describe them as “cheap”. They turn to the Long Island Medium for help foreseeing their frugal futures. Also, everyone in this show is naked.
Dance Dads: A spin off of the hit show, Dance Moms, features the dads of dancers watching proudly as their talented young daughters are berated and verbally abused by an extremely aggressive 600 pound woman.
THOUGHTS?
